Nighttime Comics Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Television's prominent comedians spent the broadcast mocking President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa initiative, dubbed the "gold card," describing it as a blatant pay-to-play system for the affluent.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas jingle directed at the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative which enables overseas citizens to buy U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, or "premium" version for five million. A government website guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief note for you to wealthy applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, requiring large fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The most thorough vetting the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will let wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping approval ratings during financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to tackle prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, and behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative media coverage of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.